Creating a safe squad
I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. ―Dr. Brené Brown
👥 Serves: 1 person
🎚 Difficulty: Medium
⏳ Total time: 11-30 minutes
🥣 Ingredients: Pen and paper, a ruler
🤓 Wholebeing Domains: Community, Positive Emotion, Ritualising
💪 Wholebeing Skills: Abundance, Allyship, Gratitude, Hope, Refuge
Creating a safe squad
📝 Description
A reflective practice to recognise the safe and secure relationships in your life and appreciate them.
What makes someone safe? A safe person is someone you can lean on during tumultuous times, that allows you to feel heard, seen and accepted for who you really are. They are also someone who keeps the happy days bright, and celebrates with you your greatest wins. They meet you where you are with acceptance, love, compassion, and empathy.
There are also unsafe people. An unsafe person is not a bad person – however, they may not be in line with your convictions and morals and may drain you of your energy. While it may sound intimidating, keeping relationships with safe people rather than unsafe people allows you to conserve your energy and use it on fuller, deeper relationships.
Rather than taking it as an exercise of cutting unsafe people off, it is instead to understand and appreciate the safe, warm friends and prioritise your time for them. None of us can evaluate the characters of others perfectly, but we can practice through a reflective practice that will aid in keeping an excellent close-knit community.
This recipe has been gifted by our wellbeing content partner Nadya Saib of Wangsa Jelita and has been featured in their 2021 Well-being Journey Journal. It has been adapted by our wellbeing content writer collaborator Marissa Del Mistro.
👣 Steps
Step 1 – Contemplate what safety means to you (5’)
Grab a pen and paper and spend 5 minutes or so thinking up what safety really means to you. When do you feel safe with people around you and when do you feel anxious, nervous, or shy? There are many questions you can consider when thinking about safety such as: Do I feel confident? Do I feel energised in this environment or nervous? Do I feel I can speak from my heart or am I filtering what I am doing and saying?
Step 2 – The “Square Squad” (15’)
Using what safety means to you, you work on the Square Squad. Dr Brene Brown, an American research professor, lecturer, author, and podcast host, created the “Square Squad” exercise. To do this, take your ruler and draw a 1-inch by 1-inch box – or 2.5 cm by 2.5 cm. Yes, it is rather small and this is because you should reflect on who your true, safe people are. Reflect on the questions above and based on that, write down the names of your safe people in the Square Squad box.
Factors to consider and recognise in safe people:
- Are they compassionate in hard times?
- Do they accept you for who you are and cheer you on during your growth?
- Have they earned your trust over time through honesty and vulnerability?
- Do they listen and accept boundaries placed on the relationship?
- Are they sincere and open in communication?
- Do they ask lots of questions and take initiative in your life?
Step 3 – Thank your squad (5’)
Appreciation goes a long way in relationships. Who doesn’t like to be recognised and valued? Take 5 minutes to thank your safe people for their role in your life. You can send them a few lines of gratitude by text, email, or even a voice memo! You could write, “I am so grateful to know you and want to thank you for all that you do, including creating a safe space for me.”