The desire to change
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. ―Leo Tolstoy
👥 Serves: 1 person
🎚 Difficulty: Hard
⏳ Total time: 31-60 minutes
🥣 Ingredients: A quiet place with no distractions, 1 sheet of paper (or notebook), 1 pen, “Motivational Interview: Helping People Change” book by Miller and Rollnick (if you’re curious to find out more about it!)
🤓 Wholebeing Domains: Accomplishments, Awareness, Discomfortability
💪 Wholebeing Skills: Acceptance, Agency, Ambition, Determination, Flexibility, Flourishing, Letting go, Perseverance, Reflection, Self-regulation
The desire to change
📝 Description
Finding the desire to change.
The desire to change requires a conviction that the change you seek is necessary, that you truly want it. Sometimes this can happen when you have “eureka” moments, but most of the time it is a gradual process, with small advances as well as setbacks. Has it ever happened to you that someone has told you that you need to change an attitude, a habit, a behaviour… and what was your reaction? Many people tend to dismiss such nudges because unless they personally commit to it and see an advantage in the change, they struggle to find meaning in it. This does not mean you should do it alone – your loved ones can accompany and support you in the process.
The following recipe is aimed especially at all those people who are dealing with an addiction and wish to take their first steps towards changing their situation. However, it can be beneficial for anyone looking to bring about changes in their lives. The activity has been taken from the book “Motivational Interview: Helping People Change” by Miller and Rollnick and has been kindly adapted by Ezequiel Rodenas, Felipe Gutiérrez, and Alejandra Duque of the UNO+OTRO team, an initiative by Needlab to promote mental healthcare, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic.
👣 Steps
Step 1 – Desire (10’)
Ask yourself the following questions and jot down your answers in your notebook or on a sheet of paper.
- Why do I want to change? For example: This habit is interfering with my family relations and is affecting my performance at work.
- How would I like things to change? For example: I would like to boost my performance at work.
- What do I not like about this situation? For example: This situation makes me feel anxious and nervous.
- How would I wish things to change in one year? For example: I would like to feel less anxious about the need to smoke; I would like to build a deeper connection with my family; etc.
- How would you feel if you succeeded in bringing about that change? For example: Happy, proud, relieved, healthier…
Step 2 – Capacity (10’)
Read your answers from step 1 and write down simple actions you could take to invite change.
- What are you capable of doing? For example: I could reduce the number of cigarettes I smoke.
- What could you do? For example: I could see my GP, I could attend a support’s group meeting, I could keep a habit tracker to check my progress.
- What is the first thing you could change? For example: If you want to lose weight, you could stop drinking coffee with sugar.
- What are your ideas about how you could change?
- How confident are you that you could change if you put your mind to it?
- How much do you trust yourself to be able to do it?
- Of all the options above, which one is the most feasible?
Step 3 – Reason (10’)
At this point, it is time to reflect on your deeper reasons for wanting to change. It is important you find an intrinsic motivation to be able to sustain the change in the long-term.
- What benefits do you see in the change? For example: If I stopped drinking, I would improve my relationship with my family.
- What are the drawbacks derived from keeping the habit and not changing? For example: If I continued to drink alcohol, I would damage my health, my liver, etc.
- What reasons have you given yourself for not changing so far and how do I see them now? For example: I have the problem “under control” because I know when to stop, but I doubt that this is the case since on several occasions I have stepped over the boundary.
Step 4 – Need (10’)
You might not find urgent reasons that compel you to change, but it is worth thinking about what might happen to spark the desire for change. Take a moment to reflect on the following questions.
- What needs to happen for you to consider a change? For example: Losing my family, getting sick, losing my job.
- How important is this to you?
- What do you think needs to change?
- What things would I have been able to do if I had changed already? For example: Spending more time with my family, saving more money, exercising more frequently…
- What have you tried in the past that didn’t work?
- What other ways are there for you to try out?
Step 5 – Conclusion (5’)
Read your answers from the previous steps and take action accordingly. Remember that if you can unlock the desire and determination in your mind and heart, you will accomplish what you set yourself out to change. At the same time, it is important to set realistic expectations as change takes time. Finally, remember that you might not succeed at the first try, but don’t lose hope and keep repeating the process as long as you need to.